saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
