I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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