Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
