My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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