he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize