This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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