Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
