There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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