Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
