hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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