I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
