my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
