I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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