I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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