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• (305): View more from Florida

  my head looks like a cockatoo

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom

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• (925): View more from California

  no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.

  Fav 13 5950 886

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.

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• (916): View more from California

  Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.

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• (+46): View more from Sweden

  Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.

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• (310): View more from California

  We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life

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• (254): View more from Texas

  And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.

  Fav 0 51 11

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.

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