it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
