Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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