I only kidnapped one of them. chill
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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