Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize