so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
