Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
