i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
