We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
