If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
