but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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