You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
