She's JV to your varsity
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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