Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
