For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
