I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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