:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
