Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
