I am in a vortex of obligation.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You made out with two different species that night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
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