Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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