also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize