I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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