Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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