you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
