In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
