so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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