I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
