Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
