I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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