I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize