i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
