what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
