U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
