I love black thongs
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
