i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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