SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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