Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Randomize
