Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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