He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
