you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
