Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
