If you die in college, do you die in real life?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
did i walk over a car last night?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
