***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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