Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize