I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
