Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
