Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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