I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dickโs house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow Iโve got dick to spare!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
