Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
