Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
