Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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