We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
