My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just pee around me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
