just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize