I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
