I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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