it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize