Sry I called you an 8
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
