We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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