Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
