people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
