I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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