Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
did i walk over a car last night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
