unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
