On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
