he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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