so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
