were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
