wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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