his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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