wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
