Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
