No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
