i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize