next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
