I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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