Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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