Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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