this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
